The world is full of idiots, and someone needs to point it out to them or they will never know.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

3D Films Are The Second Coming of Christ

So, I went and saw Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs the other day. Stupid title, reasonably entertaining film. No WALL-E, but not bad. Anyway, the session I saw forced me to put on 3D glasses. I'd never actually been to a 3D theatrical film before, so I was interested. Surely, given that nearly every animated film released these days forces you to wear the damn things, they must enhance the film in some way? After all, you look pretty retarded once you put them on:


Strangely, though, the change wasn't that dramatic. The picture had a little more depth, but, nothing substantial. Meanwhile, at about the half way point my temple began to throb, as apparently the glasses are designed for six-year-olds, and not twenty-somethings who have gigantic brains and have a diet that mostly consists of Hungry Jack's and whatever's microwaveable.

With the picture not enhanced in any great way, I figured that they must be charging me an extra $5.50 for some other reason. It couldn't be just to make a few extra bucks, no, that would be dishonest. It couldn't have been just a gimmick, designed to sucker in kids. People aren't that stupid, right?

By the end of the movie, I'd convinced myself that the extra $5.50 me and about three hundred other people paid was going towards an important cause or charity, like resurrecting Hitler, just so we could kill him again.

Sadly, it turns out I was mistaken. As I left the theatre, Hitler remained dead, so I came to the depressing conclusion that people really are stupid enough to pay an extra $5.50 for a gimmick (of course, I should have known better).

Really, how long will 3D films be around before filmmakers realise they're pointless? No other genre has adopted it. I hardly think The Dark Knight or Gran Torino could have been improved with 3D glasses. Remember when computer-animated films were the "cool" ones (as opposed to traditionally-animated ones)? Now everyone does them. Perhaps once everyone's forced to pay an extra $5.50 to have their temples throb, we'll start to see less of the films. In the meantime, we're all going to be tripping over discarded 3D glasses because, for all the talk about companies being green, the cinema I went to didn't recycle my 3D glasses.

Either that or I stole them...

© 2009 by "The Free Man"

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