The world is full of idiots, and someone needs to point it out to them or they will never know.

Monday, February 22, 2010

20 Reasons Why I Hate 20 to 1

20 to 1 may be the worst show on television. I know that's a bold claim, but at least reality shows feature people with some talent (Australian Idol) or have people to laugh at (The Biggest Loser). 20 to 1 has absolutely no redeeming qualities. Don't believe me? Here's 20 reasons why.

1. Bert Newton
He's got a giant head, and all he does is stand there. What a waste of a TV legend.

2. Bert's stupid jokes
For pretty much every item, Bert will throw to it with a corny joke. For example, if they're listing 20 to 1 Celebrity Scandals, and Tiger Woods is on the list, Bert will say something along the lines of, "Here's a tiger, who turned into a cheetah." HA HA HA HA HA!

3. The celebrities serve no purpose
Really, what do they do? They just say, "Marvelous. Splendid. A triumph." Then sing along. Speaking of which...

4. The celebrities feel the need to sing/reenact stuff
You know that famous scene in Empire Strikes Back when Vader reveals he is Luke's father? Well, if you ever wanted to see a bunch of washed-up celebrities reenact it, 20 to 1 is your show! And every time they count down songs, the celebrities ALWAYS feel the need to give their rendition. Thanks, Channel 9. I really wanted to hear Working Class Man sung by Eddie McGuire.

5. The celebrities aren't, you know, celebrities
The people on this show aren't B-list celebrities. They're Z-list. I mean, who are Bianca Dye, Tonga Stevens, Prue MacSween, Todd Rixo and Scott Connolly? I couldn't find them on Wikipedia. And any show that keeps Nikki Webster on TV must clearly be evil.

6. The show repeats itself
I don't mean repeats in the traditional sense - oh no. To me, Great Movie One-Liners and All Time Greatest Movie Quotes are the same thing. Same goes for Celebrity Scandals and Celebrity Shocks and Shockers. Oh, and there's Sexiest Movie Scenes and Sex on the Screen. Check out this page if you don't believe me!

7. The show now calls itself "Adults Only"
Huh, yeah right. There's no swearing, no nudity, no violence and no drug use. The only thing "adult" about the new series is the fact that they count down more stuff with "sex" in the title.

8. Tony Martin used to be on it, and he's not anymore
And he was pretty much the only interesting celebrity.

9. The order is all wrong
There was one episode where they counted down "Blockbuster films". Now this is a pretty dumb countdown, but presumably they meant films that had huge ticket sales. Naturally, Titanic should be number one, since it's the highest grossing film of all time (at the time of writing). But, no, they went with The Dark Knight, because it was popular right then and there. WHO DECIDES THE ORDER? As far as I can tell, there's no voting, no statistical calculations. For all I know, Eddie McGuire pulls it all out of his arse. Another countdown was the twentiest best comedians, with Robin Williams taking the number one spot. Why? Sure, he was in Aladdin and Mrs. Doubtfire, but what other truly funny movies has he been in? Not to mention comedy is extremely subjective to begin with, so why even attempt to rank the twenty best comedians?

10. They omit obvious things in the countdown
Take, for example, 20 to 1 TV Couples. Taking the top spot is Sam and Diane from Cheers. Suspiciously absent, though, is Homer and Marge Simpson. Why might this be? Could it be because their show currently airs on a rival network?

11. It spawned a copy on Ten
Speaking of rival networks, Channel 10 stole the concept for 20 to 1 and made the terrible Spearman Experiment, which mercifully didn't rate well enough for it to return.

12. It means they're not showing repeats of Star Trek
Channel Nine owns the rights, and it's never on any more. Damn you 20 to 1!

13. They repackage old episodes
When 20 to 1 first started, it was hosted by Charles 'Bud' Tingwell. Then, when Bert took over, they re-shot Tingwell's scenes with Bert, and branded it as new! See here, and check out the column marked Re-edited.

14. Those annoying facts
During every item, they'll show a painfully obvious fact on screen, like "Star Wars spawned five more films and a huge range of merchandise" or, "20 to 1 is hosted by a pathetic has-been."

15. No interesting lists
Where's 20 to 1 Best Decapitations in Film? 20 to 1 Best First Person Shooters? 20 to 1 Biggest Penises in Porn? 20 to 1 Greatest Countdown Shows?
16. The recap at the end
Before they get to the end of the list, they feel the need to remind you of what you've just seen. It'd be like if I said, "Okay, numbers 1-15 in 20 Reasons Why I Hate 20 to 1 are..." then listed them, even though you've just read them and you're not an idiot.

17. The show spoils stuff
Admittedly, most people know the ending to The Sixth Sense, or whether Ross and Rachel end up together at the end of Friends, but there is a small number of people out there who don't. Does 20 to 1 give a spoiler warning? Of course they don't, and now I know that Jack dies at the end of Titanic. Oh... if you haven't seen Titanic, don't read that last sentence.

18. It's just a glorified clip show
Remember those sitcoms that would play clips from old episodes? And they pretended that they were "new" episodes, but they clearly weren't? That's essentially all 20 to 1 is, a show that plays on your nostalgia sprinkled with some obvious observations.

19. The show's called 20 to 1, and I can only come up with 19 reasons why I hate it

© 2010 by The Free Man

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